“No hetero or homo man would ever refuse to get their flagpole wet, it would be like turning down a cold drink of water on a hot day.”

~

By Creampie Lawrence  |  Send to Friend

Dear Creampie Lawrence:
    My boyfriend and I have a excellent  sex life.  I have absolutely no complaints; however, we do tend to clash a little in the oral department.  I enjoy doing him and he also enjoys doing me, so we don’t have a problem pleasing each other.   The problem is when he orgasms, his spunk tends to linger, so it takes extra glass of water to get rid of the taste and plague-like leftovers.  I don’t have a problem with it, but he does and now he would let me go down on him ever again.   What should I do?

Creampie: Let me get this straight...you're boyfriend is refusing bjers because he's worried about the taste of his spunk? This means that he's really not into you anymore at all. No hetero or  homo man would ever refuse to get their flagpole wet, it would be like turning down a cold drink of water on a hot day. Find a new boyfriend that isn't disgusted by you. If you really, truly believe you are supposed to be with this sexless dud, well, then,  it's time to start taking it on the chin.

Dear Creampie Lawrence:

My boyfriend has numerous female friends.  I didn’t have a problem with it until they started hitting on him after they found out that I was his new girlfriend.  Whenever they text or call, he handles it well, but sometimes I am about to explode with rage.   He tells them he’s with me and to stop calling but they just argue or send him text messages expressing their feelings for him.  They ask him to come over, cry about why he doesn’t see them, or call anymore and I just about had it.  Should he handle it, or can I take matters into my own hands.  I haven’t put a girl in her place in a while and it’s about time.  He says I can answer his cell phone—should I start?


Creampie: Yes. The biggest problem with this particular breed of bitch is that they need a hobby. Next time they call, maybe you could suggest a pottery class or hook them up with your yoga-teacher cousin. If all else fails, mention something about her weight, no matter how thin, it'll offend them.